The Bone Marrow Draft: The Pick Is In

"Knowing is better than wondering. Waking is better than sleeping. And even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying."

-from Grey's Anatomy

This week was all about getting my last clearance. I had my exam with the dentist this week and the great news is that even though it's been at least six years since I saw a dentist, I have no cavities. I also don't need any tooth extractions or anything dramatic. I do need a deep cleaning. But the great news is that my dentist can do it with sedation, so I can be knocked out for it. I had the option of just having laughing gas, but I've had enough of being poked and prodded and I'm going to have a lot more of it, so I just decided this is one thing I can sleep through. 

I'll have my teeth deep cleaned on May 21. I emailed my nurse coordinator to let her know this. I also asked about whether or not any other samples had come into the lab, but I thought I might be bugging her too early about that, since I had it down to check with her next week.

Today is the first night of the NFL Draft, which is something my dad and I watch together. It's appropriate that on a day of selections, I got an important message.

After getting in a few confirmatory samples, my nurse coordinator and the entire BMT team have decided that the first person to respond to the search is my best fit and that even if more samples were to come in, I couldn't do better than this first registrant. They asked me when would be best for me to be admitted and I said June 3. This will give us time to get several projects done, time for my mom to get a couple pain injections for her spine, time for me to clean my room, time for us to get the house clean, and time for us to do a few things as a family before life changes for us.

Next, my nurse coordinator will check on dates with my donor -- I will get my donation from my donor on the same day that their stem cells are harvested. So it's possible June 3 won't work, but I'm hoping it will.

Until this point, the BMT has felt like something that was happening to me, but also not because a donor was kind of hypothetical and there was time frame we were shooting for. But once I now that I've found out I have a donor, I'm starting to feel like it's something I'm doing and that I'm almost ready for, and less like this horrible thing that is going to clobber me. I'm still partially terrified -- but I'm also really unbelievably grateful and hopeful and even a little bit excited. I'm more than ready for life after cancer. And I know this transplant is going to take a lot out of me and rake me across the coals a little, but at least it's going towards something, instead of this vicious circle I've been in for so long now.

I was also really encouraged to know the entire allogeneic BMT team of doctors have been invested in this process. I knew my nurse coordinator and my doctor would be, but I didn't know all their colleagues would be, too. I feel like a lot of people are pulling for me and are doing right by me, and that makes me feel a little more concerned. I know when I'm in the hospital for the transplant, I won't see my doctor every day, but I will see a member of the team, and it's nice to know that they're invested, too.

In the next few weeks, we'll be focusing mostly on getting the house ready and getting me emotionally ready for the transplant. Sometime in May, I'll have a bone marrow biopsy. I haven't had one since the day after I was diagnosed in 2013, so I have no idea what is going on in there. The week before my transplant my mom is taking me for a mani-pedi and also to get my head shaved. It'll give me a couple of days to get used to that. I'll also have another visit with my social worker and another appointment with my BMT team.

We still have a few things to get, but my new pajamas -- 16 pair of button front or henley front pajamas -- have all arrived, as have my pillow cases, and my twin comforter. 

As all these things start to happen and fall into place, this is feeling more real. I already have such gratitude for my donor. A year from now, I'm sure I'll have even more.

xo,

Heather